As was the case in the golden era of sailing the high seas, today’s publishing oceans are fraught with chaos (information dealers) and rival powers (information brokers) attempting to stake claim to the storytelling commerce and richness of content (our personal narratives) sailing the vastness of these publishing oceans (information distribution network). These info. dealers have coopted our stories (our personal information is our story), commodified them, and weaponized them in their successful efforts to stir up fear and hatred for the purpose of profit. At its simplest core, Pirate Authors: 1) are beholden to none other than the reader. 2) The more immediate access between story and reader the better. 3) Pirate Authors build assets for their own author brand. 4) Pirate Authors sail as part of a Pirate Crew. 5) Pirate Authors support the broader Pirate Community.